3 a.m.

It was late mid night, she was wide awake. She picked up her phone to check what hour of the sleepless night it was. It was 3a.m.

Not the usual 3a.m. where the world was at ease. In the amid of past, she was Striving for her peace. She got up of the suddenly turned uncomfortable bed and sat on the couch placed adjacent to big window her father got made for her when she turned young. She was 17, living in the most difficult phase one could ever have seen.

She kept gazing at the dazzling stars, thinking of the arresting past. The faces unveiled before her eyes, tears flooding down her cheeks spoke of the lies. The broken soul seeked answers now, perplexed of would it happen somehow.

She stood up, blinked her eye. With the blink of her fell a tear down on her hand. The tear Reminded her of the past, the past she hates, the past that makes her question her worth. She drank a glass of water and gulped all the tear that were about to burst out, she wanted to scream but didnt want anyone to hear her screech.

No, she wasnt weak but her heart was aching of all the burden their lies put on her, she was the plucky girl who was ready to confront it all. She sat back on the couch thought of the days she held her pain back. And no, she wasnt someone extraordinary.

The 3a.m. seemed never ending to her, she stood up gulped back all the losing hopes. Yes, she was the most valorous person one may be known to. She wasnt afraid anymore, she didnt want to end her life now instead she wanted to come out, come out as a more stronger person than before.

She wanted to be the rose in the tulip bed, hard to survive but admired the most. Yes, she was me.

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THE LOST GIRL.

‘She dreamt alot.’ I was a constant spectator of her trance. She did not dream about mountains or the beautiful castles, she dreamt about people and her enduring brood. She wasnt like the Ordinary.

I knew her since she was 6 and we lived in the same house, she seemed bossy and annoying in the beginning but then time passed by and I fell in love with her. We always used to go out together to the shopping complex and the common park. But then, when she was 14 and she had lost something or someone really precious to her.

I dont really know what happened there, I was incapable of Understanding, but I think we had lost her then. She did not seem the same annoying, chirpy, bubbly, happy girl I met when she was 6. She was this quiet, isolated, changed person, and she was just a teen.

I tried talking to the pretty girl with dark brown hair but she never understood. I didnt really know what happened , was it a heart break or did someone die? I was Puzzled. All I could think of was the always smiling face hiding a million emotions behind it, she never told me this, But I knew it.

She never used to hang out with me anymore, she stayed in her room. Kept scribbling letters into her Diary. No one has ever read that, she hid everything so well and her diary is one of them. She used to cr all night, people believed she didnt but I had seen the Sparkling salty water in her light brown eyes, and the pain she was going through. It seemed no one bothered or tried to help her. I might not know alot about her but I know this, she was a warrior, a girl who faced all her Agonies without letting that charming smile fade away.

Now, its been an year since she left all of us, I see her parents sad sometimes, another times they are all caught up in Their chores. Her sister is living a life of her own, she doesnt even miss her maybe. Her friends, I didnt know any. And here im sitting looking at all the Happenings taking place and how fast time is changing.

I Remember when she once told me about her dreams, they felt so magical yet ordinary. Since the day she left us, no one looks after me. I loved her so much, no one misses her as much as I do. She was a person full of Laughter. She once had hugged me with all her strength and I Remember her saying, ” snuffy I wish you could talk to me”. If only a lifeless little teddy bear she got for her 6th birthday, could speak…

I NEVER WILL.

I still Remember that evening,

When I started talking to you.
You sounded like an important chapter,
The chapter I will hold on forever.
You filled my heart with joy,
I felt on the top of this world.
You filled me with hopes,
I was Rejoicing life.
You filled me with fear,
I confronted it.
You filled me with happiness,
I made you my everything.
You filled me life once again,
I fell in love with you.
My days started with you,
My nights ended thinking about you.
You became so valuable to me,
More than my ownself.
Your texts calmed the Storms within me,
Your calls made my day.
You were my happy place,
You were my dream.
A dream i wanted to live,
A dream i wanted to hold on forever.
You promised me a forever,
But isnt forever a lie?
You showed me dreams,
But how often do dreams come true?
I believed in what you said,
And all I do remember is nothing stays.
What if I never let you go?

But what actually scares me is,
What if you find your home somewhere else?
What if this feeling dies?
What if this magic is all gone?
What if its only me in the end again?
Will this love stay?
Im going to be stuck here forever,
Yes the only forever I believe in.
And,
What if I never forget you?

MY SMILE KEEPER.

The sparkling stars,

The flamboyant flowers,

The melody of the classics,

The new born holding up my finger,

The old man smiling at me,

The old couple holding hands,

The newly married fighting like kids,

The puppies trying to walk.

The most beautiful things,

Couldnt make me smile as much as him.


Yes, him!

Its 2 a.m. 

And hes on my mind.

His beaming smile,

His Delphic talks,

His acuity,

His Captivating eyes,

His beautiful soul.

Everything,

Seems perfect to me.


Not a forever yet.

In the twinkling of an eye,

He’s all I ever wanted,

And all I’ll ever need.

Felt so dreamy,

Yet real.

Im smiling,

I always am.

But its seems different than before,

Something real.


Thank you,

For the butterflies,

For the memories,

For the fondness,

For the enchanting mornings,

For the dreamy nights,

For the roses,

For the smiles,

For the lot,

And staying.


Thankyou,

For being the reason,

The reason I smile.

 

-The girl who wants this forever to last.

MAYBE WE DID.


Going through the old books,

I found a letter.

Not a usual letter anyone would scrawl,

It was a letter written by me, to myself.

A letter telling how life has begun to recast itself,

How the faces in the crowd switched.

Left stories untold, left a wandering thought,

Did we have it all?
Sparking eyes,

Dreamy nights,

Wandering thoughts,

Unhinged youth,

New highs.

Why did the old ones leave?

Is all I kept asking,

Did we have it all?
Their part got over, leaving,

Lessons Taught,

Experiences given,

Broken promises,

Ripped hearts.

Time healed most of it.

Now all I thought was,

Didn’t we almost have it all?
 

A NOT-SO-RANDOM DAY.

I was 5 years old and immature. 
Every month my parents donated food items and clothes in an orphanage and sometimes they used to meet those kids too.
So once I had gone with them because I wanted to see what an orphanage looked like, were the kids living there similar to how I look or they looked any different? Well they looked different. A lot different than what I used to look like as a kid back then. They did not have best of the things with them to cherish life for but the smile on their face was factual. I have seen myself smiling in the mirror a number of times but their smile seemed different.
And then there was this guy Ahmed, a sixteen year old handicapped boy. And to be very honest I got scared seeing him, yes I was a kid.
He smiled at me and started coming towards me and I got agitated and started sprinting away from him, he stopped and sat on a chair that was placed at the extreme corner of the room, all sad and upset by the way I ran away from him.
Seeing this one of the care takers came to talk to me about this whole thing. The guy told me about Ahmed, his story. Though as a kid all I understood was that he had lost his family in a fire his house had caught. Also, because of that incident he had lost his right leg. It wasn’t supposed to touch a 5 year old like the way it touched me.
I walked straight to that boy and said, “Hello! I’m sorry.” And offered him a packet of candies.
Ahmed smiled at me and said Hello. I could see tears forming in his eyes. It felt as if I reminded him of someone he had lost back then. 
He started addressing to me as his elder sister, that at first really freaked me out since I knew I was very much younger to him but then I asked him why was he doing that.
Ahmed said something which I did not understand back then but as time passed by it really meant a lot more than what I thought it would.
Ahmed said, “I was very young when I lost the people who could have given me everything I could have ever wanted. I was abandoned by my relatives. I am over whelmed when people come and spend time with us, provide us with the basic things we wish for. And for me you are my elder sister, not the one I lost 4 years ago but the one I just made.”
Not understanding anything I just smiled at him and kept sitting beside him, I could sense the miserable condition he was in.
I came back home and got normal. A few days later that orphanage got shifted to some place we were unaware of, I was reminded of ahmed for a few days and then I got busy with my schooling and sports.
As soon as I turned 14 I got into depression, and my world seemed to fall apart. yes, I was again reminded of ahmed  and I did remember each and every line he had spoken and suddenly it all made sense and filled me with despondency at the same time fortitude.
His words actually changed my insight about a few things in life, I did learn to find happiness in the smallest things, I did learn to respect the efforts others made for me, I did learn to respect human emotions. It taught me that the smallest of the good deeds we do for someone means alot to them. It did not take my depression away but taught me to deal with it.
I guess he is that experience everyone needs in life.
I have no idea what does his life looks like now but I’m sure it’s not very ordinary 🙂
                 -some people do make a difference.

LET LIFE HAPPEN 

Lets, for a moment forget our problems, forget that we have any commitments to fulfil and live and think for a while.

Think about the brightness of the sun or the flamboyant flowers. Pleasing. Arent they?
Lets talk about the glint stars or the scintillating eyes of a new born. Delightful!
Just a thought of them makes us happy. Isnt it? 
What a wonderful glimpse it would be!

Lets stay awake till 4 a.m. and talk about things no one knows about.
Lets go to mysterious places and hide there till the sun calls us out.
Lets get drunk and make memories that we wont remember the next while.
Lets chant the songs we hate and dance like never before.
Lets swim past the oceans Of sorrow and dolefulness.
Lets just do everything we were Reluctant about.
Lets live again! cheerish all the things we never thought of.

Stop crying over, let life happen on its own.
Dont let this time pass, hold on to it, make it stay.

Let life happen. Because it wont happen again.